exposed to the stars
a string from my heart
to the sky
but jump as I might
this body stays stuck
at the start
heavy on the ground
as mind and sight
fly high to infinity
to exposed expanse
unkown darkness
filled with light
My heart can hold it all
If only....
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Death
Empty where there should be something. Rather distant and calculating. No - just indifferent - dispassionate. That's the word. I am dispassionate. The ache is mostly for those left behind.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
It's GiHUNDA!
So I finally procured a hard copy of the text of the Fairy Queen. 'Bout time - that's the inspiration for my oh so mysterious screen name. I've read a good chunk (or so I thought) of the poem from the online text. But then I found the book at a library - and this thing's GINORMOUS. And he only wrote half of what he intended to? The man was psychotic. And all without word processors.
You would think that with the explosion of information exchange nowadays we'd be bumping into all sorts of literary geniouses that would never have made it in the past. After all, any gimp who wants to shoot the breeze has the ability now to snatch a moment of attention from millions of people. (I will almost pass on bashing the news media.)
Perhaps the reason that we don't run into genious is because it is as Edison desecribed - 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration. Without the effort, there's no sacrifice and so nothing worthwhile. Easy come, easy go. I think I'll start using my calligraphy set to keep a journal.
Wait - that means I won't be writing in this. Hmm. Conundrum.
Links to Fairy Queen Stuffity:
Summary
Textual Info on different editions
You would think that with the explosion of information exchange nowadays we'd be bumping into all sorts of literary geniouses that would never have made it in the past. After all, any gimp who wants to shoot the breeze has the ability now to snatch a moment of attention from millions of people. (I will almost pass on bashing the news media.)
Perhaps the reason that we don't run into genious is because it is as Edison desecribed - 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration. Without the effort, there's no sacrifice and so nothing worthwhile. Easy come, easy go. I think I'll start using my calligraphy set to keep a journal.
Wait - that means I won't be writing in this. Hmm. Conundrum.
Links to Fairy Queen Stuffity:
Summary
Textual Info on different editions
The Day After Tomorrow
For the first time ever, I'm actually not listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. I used to think that people who wouldn't let their families listen to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving were Scrooges - and here I am avoiding the radio stations that are playing the stuff.
My mom says I'm learning to treasure it. I think it's because I'm not as hot about holidays as I used to be. Actually, I'm not as hot about the trappings involved. All that I really want to do is spend time with my family, but actually doing something for a change. Basically, I want real experiences, not manufactured ones. I want the normal traditions, but I don't want them to be glitzy.
Thanksgiving has never been a big favorite of mine to begin with. Mostly we just go to my Dad's Mom's house and eat and talk and I'm bored. I don't really get along with any of my cousins.
Probably because my Mom secretly didn't want me to and I'm quite susceptible to her attitudes. See, she's never really gotten along with any of my Dad's siblings or my grandfather. She doesn't like the way that side of the family carries on conversations (because they don't - they talk at each other in loud tones a good portion of the time). And the fact that my parents built a house and paid for a good portion of it and then my aunt's family moved into it without fully compensating my parents - that can put a damper on relationships. And so Mom has never felt very comfortable with my Dad's family. Since I'm the oldest grandchild and the next oldest is my brother, for some strange reason, I never found a friend among my cousins. Yup - I'm suceptible to my mother's attitudes.
But part of it is my own tastes - I've never been a girly girl, like my cousins.
Well, no actually, that has a lot to do with my mother too. She conciously tried to raise me without the typical gender stereotypes. The result being that growing up I didn't like playing dress up or Barbies. although my mom actually did try to get me to like playing with my Barbies. After all, she bought the monsters for me and made a special bag to hold all of the crap.
As I got older and my other cousins started being all makeupy and boy crazy (even though they're younger than me) I just never felt a true kinship with them.
Part of me keeps these barriers up, even now that we're older. Two of my cousins got married when they were around 19 or 20. Not to each other. The one married the way you're "supposed to" - followed everything the church says to do. Had a baby and got divorced a year later. The other cousin married the bad boy she'd been dating for years and they got divorced a year later. I'd been feeling like I was getting crap for being in my mid twenties and not married yet - I'm not following the path I'm "supposed to." So part of me goes "nyah, nyah." But then they're both remarried now, the first one to a nice guy, but they couldn't get married in the church, and the second one got married in the church. And they both have babies. And me, the oldest cousin still single. Just passed my 30th birthday.
Until I started writing this, I was somewhat looking forward to Thanksgiving. Now, I'm dreading it.
My mom says I'm learning to treasure it. I think it's because I'm not as hot about holidays as I used to be. Actually, I'm not as hot about the trappings involved. All that I really want to do is spend time with my family, but actually doing something for a change. Basically, I want real experiences, not manufactured ones. I want the normal traditions, but I don't want them to be glitzy.
Thanksgiving has never been a big favorite of mine to begin with. Mostly we just go to my Dad's Mom's house and eat and talk and I'm bored. I don't really get along with any of my cousins.
Probably because my Mom secretly didn't want me to and I'm quite susceptible to her attitudes. See, she's never really gotten along with any of my Dad's siblings or my grandfather. She doesn't like the way that side of the family carries on conversations (because they don't - they talk at each other in loud tones a good portion of the time). And the fact that my parents built a house and paid for a good portion of it and then my aunt's family moved into it without fully compensating my parents - that can put a damper on relationships. And so Mom has never felt very comfortable with my Dad's family. Since I'm the oldest grandchild and the next oldest is my brother, for some strange reason, I never found a friend among my cousins. Yup - I'm suceptible to my mother's attitudes.
But part of it is my own tastes - I've never been a girly girl, like my cousins.
Well, no actually, that has a lot to do with my mother too. She conciously tried to raise me without the typical gender stereotypes. The result being that growing up I didn't like playing dress up or Barbies. although my mom actually did try to get me to like playing with my Barbies. After all, she bought the monsters for me and made a special bag to hold all of the crap.
As I got older and my other cousins started being all makeupy and boy crazy (even though they're younger than me) I just never felt a true kinship with them.
Part of me keeps these barriers up, even now that we're older. Two of my cousins got married when they were around 19 or 20. Not to each other. The one married the way you're "supposed to" - followed everything the church says to do. Had a baby and got divorced a year later. The other cousin married the bad boy she'd been dating for years and they got divorced a year later. I'd been feeling like I was getting crap for being in my mid twenties and not married yet - I'm not following the path I'm "supposed to." So part of me goes "nyah, nyah." But then they're both remarried now, the first one to a nice guy, but they couldn't get married in the church, and the second one got married in the church. And they both have babies. And me, the oldest cousin still single. Just passed my 30th birthday.
Until I started writing this, I was somewhat looking forward to Thanksgiving. Now, I'm dreading it.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Why can't we all just get along?
I say that, but if everyone did just get along then I'd be out of a job - except that people will always die and so probate laywers will always have something to do. Wait, no. If everyone always just got along there would be no reason to have to record any sort of property transfers, whether the transferor was alive or dead - so, yeah, I'd be out of a job. Oh well.
The previously posted pics are from our stake clothing exchange we had a couple of weeks ago. It seems that everyone had a fun time - and I got some nice pants out of it too. And some warm coats and shirts for my cousin's kids.
The previously posted pics are from our stake clothing exchange we had a couple of weeks ago. It seems that everyone had a fun time - and I got some nice pants out of it too. And some warm coats and shirts for my cousin's kids.
The Secret to Happiness
A fluffy bed. Fluffy pillows and fluffy blankets. And then wanting to get into it only at certain times. See, the two hardest things to do are getting out of bed and going to bed. (Aren't I blessed to be able to have those be the hardest things that I do? That I'm not hungry or naked or anything like that?) So, instead of desiring my bed in the morning and hating it at night, I've decided to desire my bed at night and at least get out of it in the morning. And so far, what a difference!
Yahoo! FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.
Friday, November 04, 2005
CLE
CLE - Mandatory. Must be there or else... Once I get there, it's three hours of "Be good. Be nice. Don't be mean. Behave yourself." And then an hour of "Billable hours really stink, don't they?" These are all things that either I've heard since before I could speak or that is not really a news flash to any lawyer. Even the lawyers who don't have to bill hours know that they stink - that's why they're in a job where they don't have to bill hours. And they planned on it originally being 5 days! It was three hours of a waste of my time. But oh well, I love doodling.
CLE - it should stand for something like Colossally Lugubrious Excretion, or Crazy Lawyers are Evil. Yes, I like that - it's easier to remember. Though "lugubrious" describes this morning perfectly.
CLE - it should stand for something like Colossally Lugubrious Excretion, or Crazy Lawyers are Evil. Yes, I like that - it's easier to remember. Though "lugubrious" describes this morning perfectly.
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