Vitamin B Shots!

I'm a "B"eliever. Went to the doctor yesterday for depression. Told him that I didn't want to take anti-depression pills because I still don't know what Effexor did to me. He gave me a vitamin B shot - and it really works. I don't feel so tired and overwhelmed. I feel like I can do what's in front of me. And I feel happier - not so listless and morose. Yup - I'm glad of it.

He told me that if this shot works, it should last for several days to a week, and that I could come back to get another shot and they would teach me how to give them to myself, so that I don't have to go to the doctor's all the time. I'm a little afraid of giving myself a shot. I've never had a real problem getting shots, but of course, I've never liked it either. But I'd rather give myself a shot of vitamins than be depressed or take a pill that does who know what to my body.

Golden Age Filming Pics

I fear the worst - but, as the moth is attracted to the deathly flame, I can not help but flutter about the creation of this movie.

The Worst Thing

At least for today, the worst thing is not being the way that I think I am. The cognitive dissoance becomes physical. I must make effort toward progression. Failure is an option, but only to be mourned for if it came as a result of a lack of effort.

To get very metaphysical, what is aware of my state of being? How can I be existing in one state, think that I am existing in another state and be aware of the incongruity?

Found a Cave

Certainly not the platonic ideal. I heard a disturbing thing and wonder if this is the site.

For a while there, each year I'd hike a local mountain to the top with some friends. Law school hit and I haven't been to the top since my 1L year. (And my body shows it.) Talking with these friends the other day I mentioned that I'd like to go again, and they said that I might just die if I did.

Turns out that it isn't a very funny joke because a friend who went with them last year actually did die the week after hiking the mountain with them. He was hiking through some caves in a local canyon with some other friends. The group drowned while attempting to swim through a portion of the cave.

So, I was hiking in the canyon and found this cave, and I just wonder if it's the site of something horrible.

On a whinier note - why me? It's good therapy to put a bit of whining after talking about tragic deaths, just to keep things in perspective. Afterall, my life is actuallly quite good. So why do I still feel depressed? I understand that it's an illness, that there's a physical problem with my brain's neurotransmitters. But why do I feel this way. I had an appointment to go see an accountant (as I'm moving up in my worldly fortunes - not significantly, just enough to annoy me). As I'm driving there, I start crying. I can't take it! I cry at the drop of a hat. Anyway - I need to get to work. Life's not that bad. It's butt in the chair time. I'm not heading into a dark cave, no matter what it feels like.

Wounded Heart

My eyes, too often washed with tears,
still fill and spill and fear.
You'd think with so much water there
they'd be clean to see clear.
But salt it seems
gives halt to sight
when the wounded heart appears.