Jobs and prayers

My brother got a job last night. We all rejoiced. See, both he and I graduated from law school this spring, neither with jobs. So we pray and we look and pray and worry. I've collected all of my rejection letters - it's quite a pile. The idea was that when I got my job I'd go up the canyon and burn all of the rejection letters. Well, I got my job, but Mo didn't. And Nini, his wife, and Mo both seemed to be pretty sensitive about it - I mean, they weren't mean or anything. It's just that they've been having money problems (and not keeping it a secret - personally, I don't want to know the details of my siblings financial lives any more than I want to know about their sex lives - in fact, in way I'm more interested in their sex lives in as much as when they conceive that makes me an aunt again! and nephews and nieces are certifiably the cutest humans on the planet.) Anyway - So they're all sensitive because they want a job really badly and so I'm feeling restrained in rejoicing - like if I were to go and burn my letters somehow I would hurt them. But it's not my fault. But, I can understand their point of view because if Mo got a job before me, well then I'd have a bit of a time trying not to be jealous. And finally last night, the call we'd all been waiting for came and he's employed. And Mom says that we can now celebrate that I got a job too. Well, I'm a bit past that point now. I love my job - I'm actually surprised at how much I like it. But I'm past the "toasts-with-carbonated-cider" stage. It feels a bit anti-climactic for me. But then most things that I think are supposed to be climactical end up being just life in the end.

And everyone is so happy - so Mom and I go and get Martinellis (the obligatory carbonated cider drink because the bottle looks like champagne. Hey, one of the bottles even fizzed over a bit, almost like a cork popping, well no where near like it - but I've a good imagination) and we even got little prizes - the cake toppers that were on sale for two bucks a piece. I've a feeling the bakery just wanted to get rid of them. Winnie the Pooh for me, Dumbo for Mo (hmmmm - wonder how he feels about that?), and Spider Man for Bean (my fourteen year old brother) for loosing the school council elections. Yup, Bean's following in our family's grand tradtion. So after all of this out of control celebrating, Dad says it's time for family prayer - and he's really feeling quite emotional. He asks Mom to give a prayer and then he'll give a prayer - Mom just looks at him funny - I can hear her thoughts: "Weirdo! Why two prayers - one'll do - are you trying to help me compensate for not being a Elder or High Priest like you? It's not like we're performing an ordinance here or anything." Well, I don't think those were her thoughts - she probably thought just "weirdo," that sufficing as code for the rest of it often thought through thirty years of marriage. But she just says and says a two sentence prayer and I'm grateful.

then Dad gets all maudlin. That's his favorite word for when he gets like he got last night, because he always says, "I don't want to get all maudlin." and I always think, "Too late." and then, "How much longer is he going to be maudlin, I've got stuff to do that involves at least some new thought." But here he is in the prayer getting all maudlin as usual. Frequently when my dad prays I get the feeling that he's acutally talking to the people in the room and not to God. In fact, I think a lot of people get that way, myself included - so that's kind of pathetic when I'm the only one in the room. But anyway - I'm getting that feeling again- that Dad's not talking to God, and then ... yup, he starts talking directly to Mo and me. "You'll have the lives and needs of others in your hands. You'll have to work hard." Boy, oh boy. I'm sure God knows a lot about hard work and having others lives in His hands.

I detect that I have hard feelings for my father.

In fairness - he didn't go on forever, like I am. He did keep it to about four minutes. And he really was sincere in his emotion. I think.